My Family...and Life

I guess I should start with Friday, which started off bad because I got an email saying they had my license and I needed to come pick it up. I freaked out and looked where I kept my license  and I had my metro card and a gift card missing as well. I thought fuck I'm not getting those back. I go to my first class and ask my professor if I could leave early to go pick up my license, since I wouldn't have anytime and I needed it to drive to see my sister. She said okay and when I got the the building I asked for it, and to my surprise not only was my license there but also my metro card and my Barnes & Noble gift card! I couldn't believe that something good was happening to me. I was so happy and appreciative to whoever did that for me.  Then I had to run to my PMI make-up lesson that ran for an hour. I told my professor that I want so bad to have a strong, and power voice, but I know I have a choir voice. He told me that I have it, I just don't know how to get it out, because I have very little solo experience. This is very true, I have been singing in choirs my whole life, but I am typical car and house singer. I sing at the top of my lungs while I am home alone cleaning or when I am driving.I think I do this because I know I don't have an amazing voice. I know I have talent and I can be great, but I am not there yet, and I am working so hard to achieve this lifetime goal for myself. 

Any way I got a little pissed at the end of Friday before I left for my sister's, because of a practicing mix up that put me a half hour behind, so I didn't leave for Brandy's till 5. I didn't get to her house till 7:15ish, and it shouldn't have taken that long, but people in Fairfax can't merge to save their lives! Anyway I was glad when I got there, because Anthony just smiled at me and had me read a book to him. It was one of my sister's Ashley's old books, The Land Before Time. Just sitting there making dinosaur sounds with him had me laughing and smiling. I saw what was important while I was with him. Children are so innocent and loving. His bright blues smiling enjoying the simplest things in life. I am not officially his aunt, but I love him like my nephew and I would do anything for him. Soon he will have a little brother, Austyn and I felt him kick in my sister's stomach, which also amazes me. The miracle of life, in 9 short months a human is born, that is something that will always amaze me. That night I had dinner with my family and went out to Jeremy's house having girl time while all the boys played pool. I talked to Gary and Ed that night as well, which also helped make me feel better, because I have trouble sleeping now, so now I will talk to someone til I fall asleep, because my body can't take it anymore, so my mind just shuts down. I had a really good night sleep for the first time last night on my sister's coach, and I loved it. I was going to play in Pep Band today, but I decided to stay with my family a little while longer and go shopping and have lunch with them. I stood by Anthony while he got his hair cut as well, which was so adorable. I love children so much :)! I was sad to leave, but I needed to come back to Mason, so I gave them all a hug and kiss goodbye and began the drive back to school. When I got back I felt sad, and I think it was because I look back and I feel regret for things I had no control over, like the relationship with my sister. We were never close for many different reasons, and I came to the realization I didn't even know my own sister this past March and since then I have been working so hard to build a strong relationship with her. I also feel like I am missing a major part of her life while I am at school, and I want so bad to be there for her. My other sister Ashley, we lived together till I left for school this past fall, is so different. I know she loves me, but she is not the kind of person to show it, unless I am threatened, or hurt. She has been there for me as well, but we have a very tense relationship sometimes, because we are so different.  Anyway I got back to Mason, and I set up my laundry, but went to dinner with Gary, Caroline, and some of Caroline's friends. While I was sitting there I got that lonely feeling a couple times, but I kept pushing it away and talking to Talisha joking around, which made me feel better. Afterwards I did my laundry and Gary drilled me on intervals......or tried I was kind of distracted getting my laundry together. Then we watched some Super Mario YouTube video about a secret level, and I will admit it was hilarious. I am now listening to music I just bought trying to relax, and keep my mind on happy thoughts, to push away this need to cry. I know I am not alone, but the feeling comes back even when I am with people, having a good time. Anyway this has been another long blog, lol hopefully they will get shorter.