Life changing experiances

Today I finally did it. I let it all go. I spoke my mind and said pretty much everything I needed to say, and thank the lord! Before I did though I am pretty positive I had a panic attack for the first time in my life. I was getting this horrible feeling like something was going to go wrong, someone was going to get hurt or something and it kept getting worse and worse. Then I couldn't control my breathing anymore and my heart rate sped up super fast. I felt as though I couldn't control my body and my hands started going numb. I was scared out of my mind, but thank goodness Caroline and Gary were there for me. I felt so overwhelmed I didn't know what to do and I kept fighting it. I felt seriously ill, but I knew I needed to eat, because I hadn't eaten much on Sunday. I have no idea how long it lasted, but it was a long time. I think it was mostly because I kept fighting it and making it worse.  They both knew something was wrong so I just let it all out. I felt like I needed to cry, but I can't make myself cry it just has to come, so I think getting angry and venting had the same affect. Now its all about healing and taking things a day at a time, so not to ruin friendships or hurt anyone anymore. I was so scared of letting things out and I think that added to the panic and anxiety.  I feel so much better and I hope things finally start working out. 

Besides this I have my first official basketball game on Wednesday and tomorrow the All-girl Squad starts tapping for NCA nationals I am super excited :) I can't wait for winter break and I am currently needing to go to bed, so I think I am going to do that lol. Update soon!