My thoughts......

So I was going to talk about the last two days events but I just finished my history paper, and have been listening to Casting Crowns a Christian group. It has led me to have some mixed feelings about my faith and where I stand in God's eyes. I was raised Methodist, but stopped going to church when my family and I moved to Charlottesville. A lot of the time I feel like I have missed out on some important life experiences, because I stopped going to church. I have always believed in God and Jesus, but I have seen so much hate and evil done in the name of religion I have pulled away from it. I have seen love and miracles, and that drives my belief in God and heaven.  I have never read the entire Bible either, but I know the ten commandments and the main message of the lord and that is love.  I have this huge feeling of falling to my knees and just praying to God and asking him to forgive me for everything I have ever done wrong. I feel like I have been a disappointment in God's eyes. It's kind of silly of me think that, since I can't know what God thinks, but its how I feel right now. It's times like these I think about all of those who I have known who have passed on and I wonder are they looking out for me? Would I make them proud? Is my Aunt Michele proud of her niece, is she up there waiting for me, Grandpa John, Uncle Mark, and dad? Are my great grandparents smiling down on me? Uncle Leonard, and Aunt Bernice?I want to believe to believe so bad that they are. I am sitting here crying as I write this....why? God loves everyone and created us all for a reason. We are all different, because he made us this way.  Hate in the name of God is wrong and yet millions of people do it everyday. I feel so powerless and weak, I hope that I can pray to God and have him hear my small plea for clarity. This is so stupid I don't even know why I feel this way. Practice what you preach and I preach love.  I hope Sydney, Nolan, Jayne, and all my family members I have lost are there in peace and happiness and maybe one day I'll be there too. 

This song was played at Sydney's service and I think it is appropriate for tonight.  Along with my other favorite Christian song by Mercy Me

Who Am I - Casting Crowns

Who am I?

That the Lord of all the earth,

Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I? 
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.


Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.


I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours. 

Who am I? 
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I? 
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.


I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours. 

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.


I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

I am yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am yours.
I am yours.

I can Only Imagine - Mercy Me

I can only imagine 
What it will be like 
When I walk 
By your side 

I can only imagine 
What my eyes will see 
When your face 
Is before me 
I can only imagine

I can only imagine 

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel 
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still 
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall 
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all 
I can only imagine

I can only imagine 

I can only imagine 
When that day comes 
And I find myself 
Standing in the Son 

I can only imagine 
When all I will do 
Is forever 
Forever worship You 
I can only imagine

I can only imagine



I can only imagine [x2]

I can only imagine
When all I will do 
Is forever, forever worship you

I can only imagine